Why People Hurt Each Other
Of all the frustrations we experience in life, none are more troubling or have the potential to cut as deep as when others do things that hurt us. We're wired for connection to others, and our brains are trained to confer meaning in what they do. Err go, when others do things that cause us pain, we dwell on it longer and have difficulty letting go. We make the pain personal. We act as though every action was carefully planned with maliciousness in mind. We misinterpret their true motives and internalize the hurt in emotionally destructive ways. This gives rise to other negative emotions such as vengeance and hatred. Worst of all, these destructive feelings are driven by flawed, irrational beliefs about what drives others to commit hurtful deeds.
There are numerous reasons for why people hurt each other or drive one another completely insane with their actions, all of which have nothing to do with evil intentions. When people are able to understand and recognize these hidden motivations in the behavior of others, it almost completely removes the social pain that people feel when someone else wrongs them.
Just as no baby is born with pure evil radiating from their eyes, not an ounce of the hurt, conflict, or interpersonal pain that is circulated throughout this world originates because people set out to be evil. Understanding this and recognizing the many other reasons for hurtful actions is a crucial part of the healing and recovery process.
We created this chapter so that those struggling with people problems of all sorts could find some solace and perspective when it comes to the hurtful things others do. It's written as a series of short essays designed to help you understand the hurtful actions of others in less judgmental, less disturbing ways. Whether it be marital struggles or dealing with child abuse or crime victimization or simply coping with the everyday insults that come our way, this information should help you adopt a healthier outlook in life. We hope you find it useful.