Vengeance or condemnation: Condemnation is a double-edged sword that injures the condemner as much as it does the condemned. The more we seek to punish and condemn, the more we must amplify the significance of the event in our own minds. After all, to condemn and seek vengeance requires we justify this response to ourselves, which means being forced to think about the situation in the most destructive light possible. The harsher a person's condemnation, the more their mind distorts the negativity of this experience to fit within their harsh judgments. Vengeance, retaliatory punishment and condemnation all have the same effect: they eternally trap a person in their despair.
Blame: Blame is destructive for several reasons. First, blame puts others in charge of our emotions. If it's always their fault we feel a certain way, then we're helpless to fix our own despair, because the keys to our contentment reside in what others do. Secondly, blame is usually based on false ideas that attribute thoughts and motives to those we blame that simply weren't there. Finally, traditional blaming is closely intertwined with condemnation. It's for these reasons that many psychologists call blame "the root of all neurosis." It's ok to recognize attribution or fault, but parents should find ways to discuss bad or hurtful behavior without smothering these explanations in a sense of blame.
Jealousy or envy: Anything that evokes jealousy or envy in children will lead to further emotional distress.
Despair: Every explanation should give kids a sense of hope for the future and the idea that there is a productive solution for every problem.