How to keep from spoiling kids; raising unselfish children

How to Raise Unselfish Kids

It's important that parents work to avoid these types of outcomes. Here are some guidelines for how parents can combat this rise in narcissism among their own children:

A) Limit choices. Not only is it good for children to have to settle or make do at times, but studies have found that more choices tend to overwhelm children and adults alike. One unexpected outcome of being presented with too much choice is that we spend more time mulling over our options and second-guessing our selection than we do actually enjoying the activity in question. Children faced with too many choices show lower levels of creativity and more indecision. This isn't to say choice is bad; giving kids the opportunity to make choices in their lives is healthy and fosters growth. But they also shouldn't feel as though they always have a choice (even adults must learn to live with and accommodate the choices of others), and it's also important they not be overwhelmed with too many selections.

B) Children should believe they are special, especially to you. But special just like everybody else. Children should be raised to regard every human being as a valuable, special and irreplaceable person. In fact, believing that you are valuable to those around you is a staple of proper mental health in a social species such as ours. We need to feel wanted and valued as a uniquely special person. The idea that a child is special only turns into narcissism when they believe they're vastly more special than anybody else, or that their desires should be fulfilled at the expense of others.

C) Make a habit of regularly talking about the feelings of others. The more you do this, the more a child's concern will be focused away from themselves and towards other people. Vocalizing empathy for what people are feeling, talking about ways we can make them feel better, and rewarding children with praise when they forego their own desires to let others have their way helps build this outward compassion.

D) Show your affection physically more than materially. Over the last several decades, due to a number of misguided trends in childrearing, kids have been getting less and less affection through touch and more in the way of impersonal material possessions. This is the exact opposite of what they need in order to grow into kind and competent humans. The more a child derives pleasure and satisfaction through contact with others, the more they'll value others, whereas the more kids are reared at hands-distance and taught to attain pleasure through possessions, the more selfish and narcissistic they'll grow up to be.