Problems that Impeed the process of healing and recovery
Not only do people often engage in thinking that keeps them in a negative emotional state, but frequently they embark down the path of several common healing traps. These psychological traps not only add to negative emotions but actually create a self-reinforcing cycle of despair; trapping a person in their destructive state of mind and preventing true healing from ever occurring. These traps are:
1. The anger trap
2. The blaming trap
3. The condemnation trap
4. The victimization trap
5. The good versus evil trap
One of the most overlooked sources of injury in this world is that which occurs amidst our responses to events. People are always going to have their faults and will always do things to hurt each other. We will always live in a chaotic and imperfect world where things sometimes go wrong and our family is injured in the process. But a harmful response to such events can make the event itself a trivial thing in comparison, and our response is completely controllable. We say this based on years of research and first-hand experience: children are often damaged far more severely by the response caretakers’ model towards the unfortunate events they experience than they are by the events themselves.
The reason for this is simple: while actions and events tend to be limited in nature, (someone hits you once; a bad event happens), OUR EMOTIONAL INTERPRETATION OF THOSE EVENTS WILL LIVE ON FOREVER. The ideas we formulate about those occurrences persist indefinitely. A rape, as horrible and scary as it might be in the moment, can only last so long. But the negative ideas WE OURSELVES FORM ABOUT THAT EVENT will endure. This is why one rape victim can recover fully from such an event in a few weeks and be perfectly fine, while another can experience a virtually identical event and get trapped in a state of suffering that lasts a lifetime. All events are limited in nature, and the length of time it takes to recover has little to do with the severity of the experience. It's more about the messages we adopt in coping with it.